Friday, September 5, 2014

Sick of Politics; Something More Fun!

It has been interesting to find that there will still be "Top Ten" lists in the 23rd and 24th century.  After months of tedious, back-breaking research, I actually found these in some personal logs.  Most of the entries were made by ensigns, and it shines a special light on what went on behind the cameras and below decks, that never made the show.  Enjoy.

Top Ten Reasons I Like Serving on the Enterprise 1701

  1. I get free uniforms, I don't have to wash them, and the shirts I have are not red.
  2. The phasers make a cool sound, and they have this hilarious "stun" setting.
  3. Lots of break time unless you're in engineering.
  4. The food is all replicated -- no bones, gristle, or seeds.
  5. The communicators have 100 terabyte MP3 players in them.
  6. The clueless captain has no idea what 400 of us are doing.
  7. Year round perfect temperatures and a rec room on every deck.
  8. Two words:  sonic showers.
  9. Titanium hull plating, multiphasic shields, warp 15, and photon torpedoes -- this is the safest place in the universe.
  10. Free health care.

Top Ten Reasons I Like Serving on the Enterprise 1701-D

  1. Red uniforms are not an automatic death sentence.
  2. Captain is French.  We don't have to fight much.
  3. Ten-forward -- lots of free drinks and the 500-year-old lady will give you the real thing when Baldy's not around.
  4. The food replicators have an unlimited supply of tasty, non-fattening food from 1,000 planets -- and you have one in your room.
  5. Two words:  holodeck privileges
  6. The captain who has no idea what 1200 of us are doing.
  7. Command crew that plays poker every night and has no idea what we are doing.
  8. Android does most of the hard work, leaving us lots of holodeck time; generally clueless.
  9. Children, families, parks, rec areas -- surrounded by deflector shields, and a warp bubble, with photon torpedoes, meta-phasic shielding, and phasers.  This is the safest place in the universe -- unless the Android goes nuts.
  10. Free health care.

Top Ten Reasons I Like Serving on Voyager

  1. We are in the Delta Quadrant.  Not even the IRS can find us here, though the AARP did get a message to Tuvok when he turned 150.
  2. The little lizard guy makes a great omelet, but I try not to think about where he got the eggs.
  3. I like imagining what Species 8472 could do to Cardassians.
  4. We actually get to build our own cool new ships, and race them against aliens.
  5. If I am killed, it will probably be reversed before the end of the program by traveling back in time or something.
  6. Forget Kirk and Picard.  Our captain tamed a Borg.
  7. Our second in command is a real live Indian with a cool tattoo.
  8. We will get seventy years' hazard pay when we finally make it back.
  9. Not one Cardassian or any of those idiotic shape-shifters within a thousand light years of us.
  10. Free health care and a Doctor who is available 24/7.

Nine Things I Hate and One Thing I Like about 
Living on Deep Space 9

  1. Ferengi everywhere.
  2. It takes several years for the Cardassian smell to go away, and they keep coming back,
  3. Bajorans are a combination of the worst possible traits of Catholics and Jews, with none of the best qualities of either, and a little bit of Baptist arrogance thrown in to boot.
  4. Klingons everywhere.  Blood wine taste lingers in a synthesizer.  Ruins the taste of Dr. Pepper.
  5. That pesky wormhole that any scum can get through and "bam" we're the first thing they see.
  6. The "prophets."  A bunch of stuck-up aliens with technology that have fouled up everything in two quadrants for millennia.
  7. The founders.  Yeah, right.  Think of Gumby and multiply it by one billion, then simmer on low heat.
  8. The woman with the yam in her belly. Condescending, thinks she knows everything.  Captain calls her "Old Man."  Much nicer than what everyone else calls her.
  9. Captain not clueless.  He knows what everybody is doing.

And the one thing I like

  1. Free health care.

No comments: